Never Again
by ForTheGun
Summary: Ronald really needs to learn how to make better decisions. Crack. WillxGrell


A/N: ... So, me and my sister were fooling around (as we normally are) and asking each other for writing prompts while we were supposed to be focusing on something else (I don't remember what it was, though).

Here's what she gave me.

Writing Prompts:

Jar of Buttons

Tub of Lidocaine

Digital Camera

"How the hell did that get there?"

Dog Ears

Skimpy Hula Skirts

GrellxMJ Poster

RonniexMeyrin

WillxGrellxMJ Poster

SnakexLizzie

... Pretty weird, eh?

Anyway, I had to follow through with writing this... I just... Had to.

~And with that said, let this epic tale begin...!~

(HAAAZAR!)

William grabbed his towel and stepped out of the shower. He walked over to the sink to brush his teeth, but instead of finding his toothbrush, found a digital camera propped up on the countertop. "How the hell did that get there?" he mumbled to himself, and it was then that he realized that the camera was pointed towards the shower.

"..." he picked up the camera and looked at the screen on the back.

It was recording.

"... GRELL!"

"Yeees~?" came the reply from the other side of the bathroom door.

William growled and wrapped his towel around his waist. Picking up the camera, he stomped over to the door and pulled it open. He looked down to find one Grell Sutcliff sitting cross-legged on the floor. "What is this?" he held up the camera and glared down at the smiling redhead.

"It's a camera, darling~" Grell replied simply.

"I know what it is," William tried hard not to grit his teeth, but failed miserably, "I meant, what is it doing in my bathroom?"

"Our bathroom, dear." Grell stood up and snatched the camera from his boss, "I'll be taking this, thank you very much~"

'Damn. I should've erased the film before I opened the door...' William thought as he glared harder. "You better erase that."

"I will... Right after I burn it onto a DVD along with all the other 'footage' I have of you." Grell flashed those razor sharp teeth of his as he pocketed the camera.

William paled. "What... 'Footage'?"

"It's for my short film. I call it, "William's Abs: Through the Ages"."

Right on cue, Ronald entered the room wearing nothing but fake dog ears and a very skimpy hula skirt. "Hey, senpai. Are you ready for the convention?"

"Yeah, yeah. Just hold on a sec." Grell was staring straight head, eyes unmoving. William briefly wondered what he was looking at, that is, until he looked down and realized he was still half-naked. He quickly grabbed another towel and covered his chest up. Grell gave a disappointed, "aww".

"Knox, might I ask what you're doing here," William gave Ronald a once over, "And why you are dressed as you are?"

"Me and Grell senpai are going to a convention."

"And what exactly are you supposed to be?"

"That's not important. What's important is that you're ready to party, Mr. Spears, because Ronald Knox is bringin' down the HOUSE!" Ronald struck his little 'Ronald-to-die' pose.

"... I see. Grell, I suppose you have a costume, as well?" William looked over to Grell.

"No way, darling. I'm just going to take pictures." he held up his digital camera. "So, Ron. Where's your girlfriend? Isn't she coming, too?"

"Yeah. She's waitin' at the convention center."

"Girlfriend?" William raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah. 'Er name is Mey-Rin. Real pretty. Works down at the Phantomhive Manor."

"Wonderful." William gave him a disgusted look, obviously due to his grudge against all things Phantomhive.

"Oh yeah, I was meanin' to ask ya, Mr. Spears, what's with that big jar of vintage buttons you have sittin' on your bar?" Ronald snickered the snickeriest snicker.

William's face turned the color of Grell's hair. "I-It's been passed down to the women in my family for centuries. My mum got it from my grandmother, and I was an only child, well, besides a few other siblings that never visited mum until her death... So she gave it to me. Said that if I had a daughter, or in some God forsaken miracle I found one of my sisters again, I could give it to them and we could resume the tradition."

"Aww~ was William T. Spears a momma's boy?" Ronald gushed.

"My mum was a very kind woman!" William snapped defensively, "Besides, one of my brothers became a reaper and now works in the West Paris Division. I was thinking about calling him up and seeing if he ever had a daughter who would take it."

Grell's eyes were as wide as saucers. "Y-You mean there is another Spears man! Well, if he looks anything like you-"

"You are SO faithful, Grell." William sneered, "I am truly touched by your devotion to me."

"Yeah, yeah. Well, we have to be off." Grell walked to the front door with Ronald, "Love you~"

"Uh-huh."

"Oh, and sir?" Ronald said before William shut the door in his face.

"Yeah?" William was slightly angry that the door hadn't done it's job and that he could still see Ronald's face.

"Take this." Ronald handed William a small white container.

"What's this?" William flipped the container over and found a small word written in sharpie on the bottom. "Lidocaine... LIDOCAINE!" he looked up at Ronald exasperatedly. "Why the hell am I going to need lidocaine! And is it even legal for you to own this without a prescription!"

"Shhhh," Ronald put a finger to William's mouth and said quietly, "We kind of gave Eric all of our extra paperwork work to go to this convention. We told him that it was overtime that you wanted us to give to him. Let's just say that Eric's not too happy."

"Bu-Wh-Wha-?" William kept furiously looking from the small white container in his hand to Ronald.

Ronald hopped back a bit and said in a cheery voice, "Well enjoy your day off, sir!"

"Don't wait up!" he heard Grell call from the hallway.

And with that, the door was promptly slammed in William's face.

(About 10 Minutes Later...!)

Ding dong!

"Hello?" William said as he opened the door.

In the hallway stood a rather angry looking Eric Slingby. "It's time for the beatdown, Spears." he cracked his knuckles.

William looked up at the taller man for a moment before sighing. "I'll go get the lidocaine..."

(15 Hours Later...!)

The sound of keys jingling in the doorway pierced the silence as Grell let himself and Ronald into his and William's flat.

"Yeah, and can you believe that that little blonde girl is going out with that snake guy? It's-" Ronald was cut off by William spinning around in a rocking chair to face them wearing a light blue ankle length robe and lightly tapping a rolling pin against the palm of his hand.

"Grell Sutcliff," he started, "Where have you been? You are aware that it is 1:27 in the morning, yes?"

"U-Um, I'm sorry, Will. I just-" Grell stuttered as Ronald switched his gaze between the two, dumbfounded.

"Mmhmm, mmhmm. Who is that?" William gestured with his rolling pin to a poster that Grell was holding.

Grell desperately tried to hide the poster behind his back. "N-Nobody, dear-"

"Cut the dear shit! Don't you lie to me Grell! I can see right through petty lies!" William sounded rather angry, now.

Grell took a deep breath. "Fine. If this is what you want. William, meet Michael." Grell propped the large piece of poster board up on the floor for William to see. On it was a picture of Michael Jackson, maybe a bit after Thriller, wearing very spangly getup. It said the words, "Michael Jackson ~ August 1958 - June 2009 ~ "If you enter this world knowing that you are loved and you leave this world knowing the same, everything that happens in between can be dealt with" -Michael Jackson".

"Hello... Michael." William spat at the poster. He stood up and pulled Grell to the side, out of 'Michael's' hearing range, but not Ronald's. "Grell, what is the meaning of this?" he hissed at the smaller man.

"What is the meaning of this? WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS? Alright, William, here is the meaning of this. WE ARE IN LOVE, MICHAEL AND I!" Grell said, tears starting to well up in his eyes.

Ronald looked between the two, confused. "Hey, guys? You do realize that it's a poster, right?"

But, poor Ronald was ignored.

"You don't mean that." William sounded like he was trying to convince himself, but the ugly truth remained.

"WELL, WHAT IF I DO!" Grell was borderline hysterical, "YOU WILL NEVER BE HALF THE MAN MICHAEL IS!"

Somewhere in all this hullabaloo, William had fallen to the floor, and now looked very threatened. "I-I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE LEAVING ME FOR THAT... THAT POSTER!"

Grell gasped. "How dare you call him that!"

And William started...

Crying?

"N-No, please don't cry." Grell leaned down and tried to comfort the crying man on the floor.

"Who is the woman in this relationship?" Ronald asked, knowing he would not be heard.

"I-I just don't want you to leave! I-I never got to tell you that... That I love you!" William sobbed...

And the two became a hugging, crying mess on the floor.

"Does this remind anyone else of a soap opera?" Ronald asked nobody in particular. He swore that he saw Michael nod out of the corner of his eye.

Grell turned to the poster. "I'm sorry, Michael, but it's not going to work out with us. William needs me."

"Well," William piped up, "Maybe it could work. Maybe we could all... Try to get along?"

A chill went down Ronald's spine. "What the hell! Guys, it is a poster!"

Both William and Grell glared at Ronald. They stood up and grabbed the poster. "Come on Michael," Grell mumbled, "Ronald just doesn't appreciate anybody. Brats these days..."

"Hey!" Ronald called. But it was too late. The two, er, three had already disappeared into the bedroom.

Ronald, traumatized for life, decided that he better get some rest. He headed out the front door, positive that he would never take Grell to another convention again.

Hmm... So, yeah.

Don't complain to me about William being extremely OOC, because I already know he is. He's supposed to be.

Thank you for reading! If you liked it, please drop a review!


End file.
